Ok, first things first. An honorable bitch?
If you’ve read my book “Anger 101: the Healthy Approach to Being a Bitch” or watched my TEDx talk, you know that an honorable bitch is a woman who responds to life with truth and honor, and sometimes that takes heroic and courageous acts. An honorable bitch is connected to her inner truth and honors it. And sometimes - healthy anger is the rudder.
The thing is, many women ignore their truth. Ignore what they need. They ignore that they may need something from somebody for something.
As a woman you know what it’s like to be caught up in the whirlwind of a habituated life - being all things to everybody. Women are so busy being responsible for their families, their work, their home, their communities, their volunteer activities, their relationships, so many people, places, and things, so that when they experience the huge change that transition brings, they often find themselves in shock, wondering WTH is happening – nothing seems tasty anymore, nothing seems fulfilling, life’s appetite has waned.
That’s because transition asks a lot from you. But not in the way most women think. Transition doesn’t ask you to step up your game. It asks you to step to the side for a while.
In my work I see women who go through transition go on hiatus from their truth. They aren’t even home in their bodies. They are mentally and physically exhausted and they still don’t get it.
Here it is in plain language: It’s exhausting to ignore your truth. Ignoring truth is dishonoring truth. There is no glory in dishonor – ever. Sometimes anger let’s you know when that is happening. So if you get angry, be glad, because then you know that dishonorable jig is up.
Here are an honorable bitch’s 4 reminders for women during transition:
- Be patient. Transition means that something has changed, and it’s not something small like a car tire. You’ve changed jobs, partners, states of well-being and health, homes, locations, retirement, had a child or lost a child to rites of passage or death – something major has shifted otherwise you wouldn’t be going through transition. Transition is change that encompasses all aspects of life. Letting go of the old and embracing the new involves our biology, patterns and habits, and delicate emotional landscape. Patience lets you make room for change and reminds you that change takes time – that you need time for change.
- Be gentle. I hear women say they don’t understand why they aren’t being as productive as they “should” be; why they feel numb and stuck; or can’t get their mojo going. When you are in transition you are in the caterpillar goop stage. There’s no rushing metamorphosis. Nothing productive comes from judging yourself as being wrong or not good enough or pushing yourself to do more when the DNA of your life is shifting into a new unknown. Gentleness let’s you remember that you deserve your very best TLC in your time of need and that the wisdom of your higher self works in perfect and divine timing.
- Be focused. Keep your thoughts aligned with what you value and envision. No matter how challenging transition is it’s important to honor what is important to you. Keeping that focus while being patient and gentle with yourself, will allow you to get back into the swing of things as soon as the caterpillar goop stage is complete and your wings are ready for flying.
- Be receptive to support. Ask for help. It’s really OK to ask. Make sure you ask people who are dependable. You may be used to being the one that others depend on, and that’s OK – as long as you aren’t sacrificing yourself, being the martyr, and ignoring your own needs. Remember how good it feels to help another person? Well, people feel good helping you. Ask for support and be open to receive it. Receiving support is an act of generosity.
Connect to your truth during transition (and always!) and honor it for more grace and ease.